The Love Coup
I want vanilla pudding when it comes to life. I want the median in every single measurable way. I wanna be bored by my autobiography. I wanna be so safe it hurts. Fill me up. Saturate me. Sate me to death.
I am unfillable. Every day I consume as much as I can. I eat the whole internet, yet when I wake up my phone is full to the brim. How do I deal with this insurmountable torrent pouring into my bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, mode of transport and place of work. Everywhere there's a human, there's a phone watching, listening and learning.
Isn't the world wonderful/crazy/scary/exciting/arousing/enraging/engaging? Don't you just wanna laugh/sigh/weep/cry/yell/scream/cum/kill your way into the bravest and newest world the world's ever seen.
Our very own Sisyphean Rock, my friend. Let's roll together, not apart. Let's grab each end of our ideas and pull, pull, push until they bend back and break. Take your beliefs to breaking point or someone else will, leaving you on the ground, wondering what the fuck happened.
We have plenty of teachers: Jesus Christ, Lao Tzu, Miyamoto Musashi, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr. Need more? Siddhartha, Moana, Aragorn, Harry Potter, the Jedi, Iron Man and all the other Avengers.
We know what the fuck we should do: be selfless, generous, humble, compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic, patient, kind, altruistic, dignified, graceful, beautiful, strong, courageous, honourable, godlike, saintly and above all good.
You gotta try and not be: douchey, dicky, pricky, cunty, fucky, shitty, bitchy, bastardy, selfish, envious, hubristic, arrogant, condescending, malevolent, jealous, resentful, deceitful, murderous, vengeful, blindly ambitious, myopic, corrupt, wilfully intolerant, egotistical, devilish, sinister, dastardly, or in any way bad whatsoever.
Sure, it's fun watching bad people do bad things; just think of Joker, Jordan Belfort, Tyler Durden, Hannibal Lecter, Leatherface, outlaws, killers, murderers and drug dealers, but you're not supposed to emulate them.
Let's not get caught up in the metaphor, friend. Know thy enemy, not so you can be them but so you can watch out for their devilish whisperings infiltrating your soul.
Don't make one of humanity's fatal mistakes:
Revenge is sweet.
If I don't do it, someone else will.
Naked ambition.
False idols.
Ego worship.
Traumatising each other.
Perpetrating injustice.
Abusing privilege.
History.
Evolution.
Life.
It's a miracle if you get through life without having to fight someone else for a piece of bread. It's a miracle if our sisters and daughters aren't stolen and sold into slavery. It's a miracle when war doesn't happen. It's a miracle when people aren't pushed into the desert. It's a miracle when I turn on my hot tap. It's a miracle that I learned a language I can use to explore the darkest parts of my mind, illuminating the sentences word by word. And I can write them down using ink on pulped trees then type it up onto a plastic device and send it to you using lights and lines of code and lithium batteries.
Let's make the most of our miracles. Let's not waste time. I would never say anything I don't think you can handle. You're stronger than you think you are.
Ready? Here we go.
All your beliefs and values are wrong. Everything you put your deepest dark faith into is actually corrupt and found wanting. You just got exposed like a 90s flasher.
We all just found out The Truth. It flashed onto our newsfeeds, everyone all at once synced all over the world. Every one in every nation saw exactly the same ideas expressed in their own native tongues.
I love you was the message, followed by an alien emoji. This is the Love Coup. We're here to taken over. We're the Love soldiers, revolutionaries, idealists, sure. But we put our faith in the one thing we know resists the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Life is short, nasty and brutal for everyone. Let's fuckin love each other and try to alleviate at least some of the suffering. Let's band together, my Love Bandits; saddle up and ride.